I don’t know how your divorce and subsequent remarriage affected your daughter, but in ways you may not have realized, she got hurt. If you want to reconnect with your daughter, though, you’ll need to get curious about her pain-the pain that has made the idea of contact with you so hard for her. What can I do?īeing estranged from your daughter is understandably painful-your love for her comes across in your letter-and you should know that many parents are living with a similar kind of heartbreak. I so want to have her back in my life, connecting with her sisters.
I’m 70 years old now and a cancer survivor, and I hurt every day about this situation. Over the years, I have tried various overtures to reconcile: I’ve been sending Christmas and birthday cards every year, and once or twice I’ve written notes inquiring about her life and interests and concerns-but no response. I want to reestablish a connection, and my younger daughters are disappointed that she doesn’t want to get to know them. Although we have encountered one another at extended-family events (christenings, graduations, her brothers’ weddings, etc.), she does not acknowledge me, my wife, or her sisters. My daughter is now 48 years old, and her sisters are 27 and 28. Her mother had also remarried, a few years earlier.
My oldest daughter was a bridesmaid at the second wedding and seemed accepting of the new family dynamic. I remarried about 28 years ago and have two children, both daughters, with my current wife.
My oldest daughter (from my first marriage) hasn’t wanted a relationship with me for more than 25 years. Have a question? Email her at want to miss a single column? Sign up to get "Dear Therapist" in your inbox. Editor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader's question about a problem, big or small.
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